That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
