is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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