Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
