Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
