I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
