He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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