There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
