im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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