I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
