OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
