I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
