Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
