My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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