whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
