I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
