I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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