How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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