New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
