My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
