you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
false alarm, still single
Randomize
