Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize