great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
