She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
