i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
