You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
