She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
