Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
