He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
