Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
