So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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