I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
