I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
