shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
