her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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