Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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