Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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