I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
