We won't sleep together?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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