At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize