You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She bit a glass in half.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
