The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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