dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
