So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
