kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
