so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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