I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Houston, we have a squirter
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Randomize