i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize