Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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