Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
