Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
