my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i would punch a child for taco bell
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
