she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
