Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize