Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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