wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
