I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
