there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He did a backflip because drugs
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
