why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
