it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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