i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
