i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
