I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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