I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
