i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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