my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
